Mischa Barton: Kell on Earth S1E4: Slave Labor

We had to sit ourselves down and have a long discussion about this episode so's we could figure out how to approach writing about it. It's not that this episode was particularly complicated, in fact it was probably

the least complicated episode so far. And it's not that there was an unusually high level of drama. In fact, considering everything that happened, there was comparatively little drama.

No, we needed to sit down to figure out an approach because how many posts can you write about how fucking stupid everyone in the sphere of People's Revolution acts? See? We just did it. Talk about the elephant in the room. I mean, it gets a little tough keeping it fresh when they keep astonishing us with their lack of ... well, you name it: common sense, professionalism --see? We keep doing it!

Oh to hell with it. Here's what happened:

Alternative Apparel, a PR client, is throwing an end-of-fashion-week party for a bunch of fashion editors. Kelly describes Alternative Apparel as "very eco-oriented" as she boards the private helicopter she commissioned to take her to the party.

At the party, Kelly walks around pouting because Stephanie Vorhees and the other slave

girls are clearly drinking too much and not working. Kelly confronts the situation by saying to no one in particular, "Can I just say that the goal here is to sell clothes? Does anyone remember why we're here?" No one notices her appeal to dignity and professionalism, probably because she made it wearing a dollar store Native American head dress.

Back at the office, Andrew M and Andrew S stand over the printer, puzzled by this highly complicated, sensitive state of the art piece of machinery.Andrew M thinks Andrew S is "really gay and flaming" what with his bronzer and Britney-lyric tattoos. The shot was pretty tight on Andrew M's face when he said this, so we're not sure if he was wearing his favorite one-shoulder gown while saying it.

The previously unseen Elide has all the common sense of a squirrel and gets drunk at the Alternative Apparel party and gets fired for it (there was something a

bout people she may or may not have known stealing beer or something, but we stopped taking notes at that point). Robyn, Emily, and Kelly demonstrate their managerial style by discussing whether Elide should be fired in earshot of not only Elide, but all her co-workers. Elide gets fired. Stephanie Vorhees says it wasn't Elide's fault that she got drunk and hung out with losers at a company event. Everyone starts discussing whether Stephanie Vorhees should be fired right in front of her.

Stephanie Vorhees gets fired. She tries to head things off at the pass by effectively resigning to Emily. Emily doesn't want to miss a chance to berate someone so she tells her to sit the fuck down. Minutes later, Emily stands up in front of the entire organization and says, "STEPHANIE VORHEES, WHY DON'T WE COME TO THE BACK AND HAVE A TALK."

As Stephanie grabs her things to leave, effectively broken as a person, Kelly takes a moment from talking on the phone to say, "STEPHANIE, I'LL MAKE SURE YOU GET PAID FOR

TODAY BECAUSE YOU'LL PROBABLY BE STRAPPED FOR CASH FOR A WHILE. OKAY TAKE CARE AND KEEP IN TOUCH." There have been public executions more dignified than the firings on this show.

Having fired two people in the space of a couple days, Kelly, Robyn and Emily all leave the country for London Fashion Week and leave the company in the hands of people who have repeatedly demonstrated that they can't compile lists, make phone calls, stamp envelopes or use a printer. These people all have panic attacks as soon as the office door clicks shut behind the managers. Andrew M comes to grips with it: "I mean, they like, left the country. I mean, is that a joke?" Andrew S has a crying fit and all of his makeup runs because he buys it at discount drugstores. Stephanie Skinner gives a hushed-tone retelling of the horror story of what happened that one time s

he went to the deli and Kelly tried to reach her at the office. SHE WASN'T AT THE OFFICE AND THE CALLS WERE COMING FROM INSIDE THE OFFICE.

Later, the kids all hire some girl to help them out and then fire her twenty minutes later because she doesn't demonstrate the high level of professionalism People's Revolution expects. Everyone laughs.

Meanwhile in London, Kelly's throwing her ladybits all over the place as she comes all undone in the presence of Ilario, the father of her daughter. Ilario walked right out of an episode of Absolutely Fabulous and is exactly how you would imagine someone named "Ilario" to be. Kelly is clearly smitten but manages to control her ladybits long enough to yell at English people sitting in seats at the House of Holland show that were only for loud obnoxious Americans.

There. That's what happened. Here's the House of Holland collection. We kind of loved it.