2010 Daytime Emmy Awards

We don't know who most of these bitches are!

Carnie Wilson

The hair's a bit "New Orleans whorehouse madam" but the dress works. It's flattering and it's fitted correctly. We're not crazy about the design elements, like the fact that the skirt looks a bit like a towel wrapped around her, but overall we give her an A on fit alone.

Carolyn Hennesy

A sequined salute to shapewear and breath control.

Denise Vasi

We give her props on the print, but the overall dress is kind of limp and unflattering. Plus her hair and makeup is very aging.

Eileen Davidson

Working the shit outta that.

Gretta Monahan

We could do without the feathers, but the rest of it works as a maternity dress. It doesn't hide the bump, but with all the print going on it takes the focus from being solely on the bump.

But the feathers are still awful.

Jacqueline MacInnes Wood

You guys, what if Wonder Woman attended the Adult Video Awards?

Julia Pace Mitchell

We don't love the color or the fabric, both of which read "prom," but the fit is fantastic, especially on her spectacular boobs. Christina Hendricks should take notes. Also, this is how you sell an outfit. She looks like she loves the way she looks. Like we said, we could do without both the color and the shine and of course it goes without saying that matching your eyeshadow to your dress is a good way to get prissy gay men to faint, but she's loving herself here, so who are we to pee on that?

Julie Berman

She looks like a chess piece.

Kimberly Matula

Grandma's bedroom in dress form.

Leann Hunley

We have to single her out for wearing one of the truly tasteful dresses of the event. It's a bit stiff and a bit safe, but it's pretty and unlike a lot of the Barbie clothes on display, it demonstrated an understanding of what works. In a crayon parade like this one, you have to stop and salute the tastefully pretty.

Of course she had to go and fuck it up by wrapping that thing around her neck.

Marie Osmond

Jesus. Now we feel old. She's more than a couple years older than us, but we remember when she was a fresh-faced teenager, for God's sake. Who knew back then that she'd grow up to be the love-child of Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton? She has literally morphed into one of her creepy dolls.

Michelle Stafford

Her dress has another party to go to and it's dying to get out of there. Can't say we blame it.

Rachel Ray

Jesus Christ, it's like a series of examples of what not to do when dressing her type of body. Honey, we'd say you need gays but just getting rid of the blind stylists would be a step in the right direction.

The fit, the color, the waist, the hem and the shoes are all completely wrong for dressing her type of body. Everything works together to take a short woman and make her look positively stumpy.

Sarah Brown

Enh, we're all for a bandage dress on a gal who can rock one, but we hate the print here and we are super not-crazy about the hair. This is a little snotty (why stop now?) but it all reads a little downscale. That chick in the gold bandage dress up top looked like a star, this gal looks like someone making a mall appearance.

Susan Lucci

Susan, you disappoint. You usually bring it in a big way to this event and this, this looks clumsy and funereal. Where are the sequins, Susan? Where is the signature fire-engine red? No, we're afraid we can't accept this. You turn around, get back in your limo, go home, and pick something out of your closet. No one will care if you wore it before. You're Susan Fucking Lucci, dammit. The Joan Crawford of daytime television. Go put something shiny on and consider wearing turbans more often.

[Photo Credit: wireimage.com]

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Labels: Daytime Emmy Awards